Greatest Spam Email

So I got bored and decided to check my spam email. You can usually find something entertaining in there.

Well, saying I did would be an understatement. I noticed an email with this subject:

IT IS I MY CHILDREN,HE WHO WALKED IN THE FLESH,THE ONLY SON OF GOD,THE MASTER OF ALL CREATION,AS THE SACRIFICIAL LAMB,AS REDEEMER,AND ALSO AS YOUR RABBI,YOUR TEACHER.JESUS.

You know anything with that subject is gonna be good.

The sender’s name was this:

I AM THE LIFTER OF YOUR SOUL

With this email:

[email protected]

I googled around a bit, I didn’t find any record of this email ever being sent out before; meaning this may very well be a new one.

First thing I noticed is whoever sent this does not know how to correctly send an email like this; it leaked ALL of the recipients. That’s not exactly the kind of email you want sent to you. Now, everyone who got that has my email. It’ll be lost in the many other recipients though so it’s not a big deal.

The second thing I noticed were the amount of things that were just flat out wrong in it. The sender is claiming to be Jesus; that’s a surefire way to gain credibility right there. “RESEARCHERS HATE THIS TRICK! FIND OUT HOW TO EASILY GAIN CREDIBILITY WITH THIS SIMPLE TRICK!”

Whoever wrote this also kept implying that it was wrong to be Jewish. There were multiple times where the email would randomly say something offensive about them and carry on as if it was nothing. I won’t share them here as I’d rather not have those kinds of things on here.


Now the biggest thing I saw: the amount of incorrect things in the email Looking at this small chunk of the email, I think you can see for yourself what I’m talking about

Friday, August 3, 2018:Jesus said: “My people, I am showing you this CLOCK GOING BACKWARDS as a sign OF MY COMING WARNING. The clock is going counterclockwise as you will have a life review. When you go back in time in the Bible, you can start with St. Joseph (Matt. Chap 1) and My Blessed Mother, and you go back through each generation of parents until Adam and Eve. You could also go back and start with ADAM AND EVE and go forward through all the generations up to St. Joseph. (Luke chap 3) This is how it will be in your WARNING EXPERIENCE with your personal life review. SOME WILL REVIEW THEIR LIVES BACKWARD FROM NOW BACK TO THEIR CONCEPTION IN THEIR MOTHER’S WOMB. OTHERS WILL START THEIR REVIEW FROM CONCEPTION AND MOVE FORWARD TO THE PRESENT MOMENT. You will pass over all of your forgiven sins, but your unforgiven sins will stop and move on. When you come back into your body, you will remember every unforgiven sin and how you offended Me greatly…..

Oh yeah, I remember the bible verse where Jesus said this, OH WAIT! It doesn’t exist! And apparantly Jesus said this in 2018 too. There are so many issues with that, I almost don’t know how to approach it. So I’m gonna go with a simple, no one is going to be alive at age 2018. If they are, that would be a world record.


There were a few different files attached to the email to. I’m going to go over my personal favorite, “Climate Change and and and.ppsx.” After looking over the files a little bit (not as much as I should have, I’ll admit but luckily the files were clean) and I found multiple really bad things. Like, really really bad.


Jesus said: “My people, all of you are having to pay more for your winter heating bills as well as your transportation bills in oil and gasoline. Your prices have been driven up by the oil costs which thrives on speculation, and your inherent weak dollar. Your dollar depreciation is a direct result of your deficit government spending and your trade imbalance. A good share of your deficits are being caused by the endless billions of dollars being spent on your war efforts. You are seeing more clearly how your wars are at fault for ruining your economy and weakening your military with no seeming gain to show for the continuation of this war in Iraq and Afghanistan. It may truly be that cutting off your defense funds is the only way to stop this war. It is also the only way to prevent the rich one world people from stealing your money and your country. Pray for an end to this senseless fighting in whatever way you can to stop it.” Jesus said: “My people, many of your weather patterns are changing and each year that the temperature increases a little, the people, who claim global warming, start to complain that nothing is being done. These people are exaggerating the true science about inundating the coastal cities with water in a short time for their global agenda.

Yeah guys, who needs to be warm anyway? Lets just freeze to death instead! Yaaaaay! And cutting off defense funds is a great way to get invaded. It’s a disaster just begging to happen.

SPOILER ALERT - IT GETS MUCH WORSE


Salad Dressing

I’m honestly not sure what point this image is trying to make…


Monday, November 9, 2015: Jesus said: “My people, you have heard your various political leaders trying to brainwash you with an incorrect theory that they call ‘global warming’. This connection between carbon dioxide levels with the earth’s temperature does not stand up to historical records. An increase in relatively small amounts of carbon dioxide is not causing the temperature change that you are seeing. Your temperatures have varied over the years, but the carbon dioxide levels increased after the temperature increased. You could do some of your own research to show global warming to be an incorrect theory. The one world people are purposely using this means of scaring people into doing what they want, so they can use carbon credits to control world governments. THEY ARE CREATING AN ARTIFICIAL CRISIS, SO THEY CAN PROPOSE THEIR OWN SOLUTION, WHICH IS WORLD CONTROL. Do not believe these evil men who I will punish at their judgment. You can protect My environment, but you need to challenge the incorrect science that is being forced on you by these evil men.”

Yeah guys, climate change is fake. Get real guys, it’s a myth. We heard it from fake Jesus himself!


Friday, March 20, 2015: Jesus said: “My people, what you are seeing in this vision, IS A MASSIVE APPLICATION OF ALUMINUM OXIDE, POLYMERIC FIBERS, BARIUM SALTS, AND VIRUSES THAT ARE BEING SPREAD ALL OVER YOUR SKIES. Many people are becoming sick because of these applications, in the name of global warming to block the sun. This is a government secret operation that has been going on since 1998, without any mention in your media. This is part of the one world people’s plan to reduce the population with their man-made viruses. Your people have seen these chemtrails in the skies, as they are very obvious, but your people are not aware of the dangers to your health. I have recommended Hawthorn pills, vitamins, and herbs to build up your immune systems to combat the effects of these chemtrails. Your people should complain to your government representatives to stop this invasion of your airspace by these bad chemicals and viruses.” October 22, 2015 Jesus said: “My people, you are seeing a vision of several volcanoes going off about the same time. There will be so much dust and rock spewed into the air, that you will see a ring of smoke going around the earth. Your weather will be affected by giving cooler temperatures. You have seen a relative calm in earthly disasters, but soon you will see unusual changes, just as the earth reacts to all of the evil going on.”

Oh boy, this is turning into one of the worst conspiracy theories I have ever seen in my entire life!


Bill Gates Vax

I highly doubt Bill Gates ever said that or anything like that


Jesus said: “My people, you have two kinds of viruses to deal with. I have warned My people not to take any flu shots because they can cause more harm to your immune system than they can help. They are placing coded viruses in these shots which will make people vulnerable to the coming pandemic virus. This virus will have a high per cent of fatalities for people who are sick with this flu. Also avoid using nasal applied vaccines that will cause harm to your immune system. Have some masks, and take Hawthorn pills, herbs, and vitamins to build up your immune system. Come to My refuges to be healed of any viruses. There are computer viruses as well that can be targeted at large banks to cause shutdowns and bank holidays. Viruses can also be used to damage the internet, and affect computers that control your electrical grids. If major hacking occurs all at once, you could see another excuse to cause martial law. If you see a major BANK HOLIDAY or a national martial law about to be declared, then you will have to come to the safety of My refuges. TRUST IN ME THAT I WILL WARN YOU WHEN IT IS TIME TO LEAVE FOR MY REFUGES.”

Oh great, now the single worst anti vax claim I have ever seen. Coded viruses in your immune system? Yes, you can totally write viruses that physically get people sick (please no one actually try to pull that off, that would be great!

And computer viruses? Damaging the Internet? That’s not how the internet works. You can tamper with a single server on the internet but you can’t take down the whole internet (again, please don’t try it).


Blue List Red List illuminati

(Sorry, I took a screenshot to get the full page more easily)

Oh gosh, now stuff related to this! At least it can’t get any worse from here can it?


Jesus said: “My people, the one world people will try to force flu shots on you because of a more deadly and contagious bird flu. This makes money for the drug companies, but the flu shots over time will actually be detrimental to your immune system. Avoid taking these flu shots, and instead build up your immune system with Hawthorn pills, vitamins, and herbs. Also have some masks on hand when the evil ones try to spread this virus with chemtrails. Come to My refuges if you see people dying, so you can be healed by looking on My luminous cross at all of My refuges.” Jesus said: “My people, you are about to see a showdown between the states and your government in the Supreme Court trial that will determine if it is constitutional for your government to mandate health care with financial penalties for non-compliance. The government is trying to force every citizen to buy their health insurance, and this bill originally even demanded a mandatory chip in the body. Even today there have been estimates that this Health Plan will cost much more than originally stated, as in trillions of dollars more to pay for more than thirty million new patients. It will be hard to find enough doctors, and rationed care is a real possibility. Eventually, mandatorychips in the body and mandatory flu shots will be included. Refuse to take anychips in the body that could cause voices to control your mind. Refuse any flu shots that could cause your immune system to be damaged. This computerized Health Plan is a means to control your people, and possibly a means to reduce your population with dangerous vaccines. If your government tries to enforce mandatorychips in the body, or mandatory flu shots, then you will have to call on Me to have your guardian angel lead you to the nearest refuge. Trust in Me to protect you from the one world people who want total control over your minds and souls.”

I spoke to soon…

Literally have no words for this…


Jesus said: “My people, your government, under a plan called ‘Project Clover Leaf’, has solicited commercial airlines to have their jet airplanes assist in spreading chemtrails. The one world people are using chemtrails supposedly to stop some of the sun’s rays from warming the earth. This is their cover story, but their real reason to spread chemtrails is to reduce people’s immune system so many can be killed by their coming pandemic virus. The one world people have as their goal the premise of reducing the population which was brainwashed into their minds by Satan. The upper levels of the one world people actually worship Satan, and they get their working orders from him. Satan is behind the killing of man in the death culture that promotes abortion, euthanasia, wars, and killing of people by laboratory created viruses. Many people are suffering upper respiratory diseases as a result of the chemtrails. The aluminum oxide being spread in the chemtrails is also causing a HIGHER LEVELOF ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE in bad memory problems. I have asked My faithful to use Hawthorn, herbs, and vitamins to build up their immune systems and counter the effects of the chemtrails on the body. Also, avoid taking any flu shots that could ruin your immune system. Pray that My people will be protected and healed from these viruses by looking at My luminous cross at My refuges.” Jesus said: “My people, I have given you messages to avoid taking flu shots because they can cause diseases, and they can destroy your immune system. The plan of the one world people is to make you more susceptible to the coming pandemic virus by the yearly flu shots. Avoid taking any mandatory flu shots. Even some shots for younger children contain relatively high amounts of mercury preservatives that have caused SOME CASES OF AUTISM. It is better to take the childhood shots one at a time instead of all at once to avoid too much mercury poisoning.” December 9, 2011 Jesus said: “My people, your flu season starts about now until March. The flu virus remains dormant in the cold weather until it comes alive in a warm host. During the summer, most flu viruses die off from the heat before they can infect people. This is why chemtrails laden with flu viruses can cause flu outbreaks to occur. I have warned My faithful to take Hawthorn, vitamins, and herbs in order to build up their immune systems to fight off the germs from the chemtrails. Many people have tried to push people into taking flu shots every year. I also have warned My faithful to avoid taking flu shots because of the side effects, and the long term destruction of their immune systems. Some of the preservatives and other components can cause an increased CHANCE OF ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE. Επιστημονικά άρθρα για of Alzheimer’s disease .When the time comes to leave for My refuges, My faithful will be healed of all of their illnesses by looking on My luminous cross in the sky. My healing will be much better than any of your government Health Plans could ever achieve. Trust in Me to protect you from all the man-made diseases that are killing your people.” Jesus said: “My people, this prescription sign in the vision covers several issues dealing with medicines. The first issue is a concern about avoiding flu shots that are being used by the drug companies to eventually break down people’s immune systems. This will make people vulnerable to the pandemic virus that will be spread by the chemtrails. At the same time, I have recommended masks to wear and Hawthorn pills, vitamins, and herbs to take to help build up your immune systems. Other warnings are a concern about imported medicines from China that could be of questionable quality. EVENTUALLY, YOU MAY HAVE TO STOCK UP ON SIX MONTHS SUPPLY OF YOUR HERBS AND VITAMINS when your government will have a new plan according to the World Health Organization that will require licenses to sell vitamins and herbs. Once you come to My refuges, you will have My luminous cross and the healing spring water to protect you from any diseases. But until you leave for My refuges, ©you may need to help your health needs and be concerned about what people are putting in your food or medicines.” Jesus said: “My people, for some time you have seen military and commercial jets spreading chemtrails, according to a program set up by your own government. These chemtrails have been spreading viruses, aluminum oxide, barium compounds, and other polymeric fibers which have caused flu, upper respiratory diseases, and Alzheimer’s diseaes. Since they have been doing this since 1998, you will not know when they will use chemtrails to spread this new deadly virus. I will warn you when you will need to be at My refuges for protection.”

Okay, that’s a new one. Here I was thinking I knew all the conspiracy theories out there…


Friday, June 4, 2010: Jesus said: “My people, I have warned you for a long time that the ONE WORLD PEOPLE have wanted to force implantable chips in your body since their first attempts at National Health Insurance. I gave you messages that implantablechips in the body were a part of this legislation before you even read the bill. YOU HAVE FOUND AND SHOWN THE PEOPLE THE WORDS OF ‘IMPLANTABLE’ DEVICES IN HR 3200 BEFORE IT BECAME LAW. FOR THOSE WHO STILL DOUBT THAT THIS IS IN THE LEGISLATION THAT WAS FINALLY SIGNED INTO LAW, YOU COULD DO SOME MORE RESEARCH INTO THE SENATE BILL AND the combined bill in conference that your President signed. The Senators and Congress people did not go to all the trouble of changing parties to get 60 votes in order to pass this legislation without a reason. The one world people have forcedchips in the body through your Congress, as they have forced through all of your other spending bills that are expanding your National Debt to near bankruptcy. Once mandatorychips in the body are forced on your people, then it truly will be time to go to your refuges. This mark of the beast is one of your big signs of when to LEAVE YOUR HOMES. Be ready to leave when this Law is implemented. Have no fear because My angels will protect you.”

I did the research, it’s illegal to do it without consent. I don’t know why anyone would want that.


Jesus said: “My people, I am showing you some irregularities in your children who are having deformities, allergies, CANCER, AND AUTISM. Επιστημονικά άρθρα για cancer, and autism These are occurring in ever increasing numbers, and it is a result of your air and water pollution, as well as the viruses and preservatives in the vaccines that they are receiving. You have microwaves going through the air, and people are affected by high tension electric wires, as well as pollution from being near chemical plants and refineries. Just as your pesticides have affected bird populations, so your chemicals in the ground water are lowering your fertility rates as well. IN ADDITION TO YOUR POLLUTION, YOU ARE GENETICALLY MODIFYING THE CROPS AND ANIMALS THAT YOU EAT WHICH CAN ALSO ALTER YOUR BODY CHEMISTRY. Man is ruining My balance of nature in many things that he does. It is time to reverse all of your modifications back to My original perfectly made crops and animals, or your diseases will get even worse. Many of these things were modified to control your food sources to make some people rich. When I return, I will have to change nature back to My original perfection. Try to eat naturally and avoid your artificial crops, animals, and vaccines. Work on eating herbs and vitamins to build up your immune system.”

I don’t have any response to this at all…


Friday, February 1, 2013: Jesus said: “My people, I have told you many times that everything that I create is perfect, while everything that man makes is imperfect. Man in his ignorant pride thinks that he can make crops more perfect than Me which is already absurd, but it is even an insult to Me. All that I create is balanced with nature, but man’s crops, like your medicines, have side affects that do not balance with nature. Currently, most of your corn and soybeans crops are genetically modified, and this is causing an increase in cancer, allergies, and digestive tract problems. Your scientists have changed the DNA of corn by adding Roundup, a herbicide and bug killer. The DNA of Roundup is combined with the DNA of corn so when the corn grows, it produces Roundup that kills weeds and bugs. It kills bugs by exploding their stomachs. So when humans eat this corn, it makes small holes in their stomachs where undigested food escapes into your blood stream. This is what causes some of your allergies and digestive tract problems. Your body does not recognize this corn with a different DNA, so your body rejects it, and this can cause cancers. My faithful would be better off not eating these GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) crops, and instead they should eat more organic grown food. It is hard to avoid these artificial foods because they have been blended into many products that you use. BE AWARE OF THESE ADULTERATED FOODS, AND TRY TO EAT FRESH FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. This is also why you need to build up your immune systems with Hawthorn, herbs, and vitamins. Man should stop altering My perfect crops, or you will get worse diseases as a result.”

I think if this were true, it’d be a well known issue by now


!(Follow These)[/images/followthese.png]

Geez, this sounds like a villan from a Marvel movie.

Spoiler alert ahead. Stop reading if you still need to see Infinity War and/or End Game

OH WAIT, IT IS! His name is Thanos.

Well I guess he’s inevitable after all

but I AM AARON AND I WILL MOCK THIS EMAIL TO STOP FAKE JESUS PULLING A THANOS

**end spoiler

Written on May 27, 2019